The Invisible Map of Life & the Omnipresent Thread of Questions

All of us live our lives following a map which tells us what we are supposed to be doing at a particular age so that we may have a happy life. This map is, in a way, a good companion, it keeps our lives in order, it prevents chaos, it prevents us from making decisions that we might regret in future. If we don’t match the set standards, or even if we forget or lose track of the map, we will surely get reminders from our loved ones. But in another sense it is unfair, allow me to explain.

Let me present to you the average Indian’s Map of Life-

Age 14-15                Come out with flying colours in Class 10 exams

                                   Pass- Voila! You have conquered the first step to a successful life

                                   Fail-   Your life has gone down the drain!

Age-16-18               Brilliantly pass the Class 12 Exams and clear all the entrances, score a good rank, get into the IIT or the likes.

                                  Pass- Wow! You nailed it man, 4 more years and you can have it all!

                                  Fail-    What will you do? Sell peanuts?

Age- 21-25             Guys, get a job! Girls, get a job and a husband!

                                 Pass- You are all set for a happily ever after!

                                 Fail- Will you be unemployed and single all your life? Why is it taking so long?     Don’t you want to have that dream job? You still didn’t find your Prince Charming? Do you have any plans to settle down or not?

Age 25- 30              Guys get married! Girls make babies!

                                 Pass- There! Now you have your happily ever after!

                                 Fail- Don’t you think it is high time? When will we get to hear the good news? What exactly is your family planning? Have you started trying?

Societal expectations don’t stop here. Post Age 40 questions about buying Property, Bigger Cars, Pension plans, Retirement plans and so on follow us until our graves and by then we see the same cycle repeating in our kids’ lives too…

Pause a second.

Do we really need to remind people about such things? Or do we really need to ask these cliché questions- repeatedly?

No, we don’t. I bet that all of us, every living Indian in every part of this world is well aware of this invisible map. I, she, he and you know what we are supposed to be doing now. Those who are doing what they are supposed to be doing are happy and are left to be happy. Good thing! But those who aren’t following suit, even if they are happy or trying to be happy, they are not allowed to be so. So unfair!

My heart goes out to the few ones who cannot or are not living by the map. For once, let us keep the map aside and care to look into those tormented hearts.

The child who did not make it so well in Class 10 exam- what if she was an awesome dancer or an amazing cricketer? Did any of us care to find out or help? Or, did we just ask like everyone else?

The fellow who didn’t clear his entrance exams, what if he was totally brilliant with real electronics but not so much with circling one of four options. Is he the real failure or is it our education system?

The one who couldn’t find a job yet, what if he was not eligible for a reservation and did not have any one to refer him to either? It is not like he will never get a job, he will in due time. What did we do about him? Did we honestly spread his resume around or did we just spread the “hot news’’ around- “Hawww, you know that Mr. Khanna’s son? He didn’t get a job yet‼ How clever he was when in school, now look at him! Tch tch.”  

The girl who hasn’t tied the knot yet, what if she simply doesn’t want to settle down now? What if she aspires to become something first? Yes, she needs to be told about the pros and cons and for that she has her parents who have given birth to her, and have known her ever since. Besides, don’t you think she has enough mouths screaming at her about the same thing sometimes with a smile and sometime with a scorn? Why, why why add to that?

Worse still, is the situation when a guy or girl might be wishing for a marriage and nothing seems to be working out. Our people in the name of coming across as caring actually rub it in further by asking the poor souls insensitive questions and spreading rumours that are pure nonsense.

The couple who did not have a baby yet, may be for them there are things to do and places to see before they bring in a tiny life to dote all their time over. May be there is another important issue, unknown to the world outside that needs attention before they take on the responsibility of another life. Or Gosh‼ May be they are carrying defective organs in them! Or…they might already be pregnant! Whatever be the case, it is between The Husband and The Wife. All the when’s and how’s and if they should tell you’s of their baby is their choice, Second Only and Definitely to the Choice of the Divine. A baby might be the result of every loved one’s blessing but only the Divine chooses his or her time. Meanwhile, wouldn’t the waiting part of life be easier and happier without questions?

I believe it all trickles down to this, everyone runs the race of life at his or her own pace and while we are all at it, let us try not to prick anyone with unnecessary questions and gossips. We might not mean to hurt anyone but these kind of questions rarely flatter people.

Let us all ask less and understand more.