They say old people pass away...
But you have been old for so long now, I really thought you were here to stay.
All my memories of you, so sweet and fond and now that you are gone
I can't bear the fact that I can't make any more memories with you....
Sitting miles and miles away from where you rest, all I could think of doing now in order to feel better was to put down at least some of those memories here, so I could tell the world how lucky I was to have you, so I could voice the feelings of all those who ever loved you, and more than anything else, so I could save your memories for Angu, Vivu and all of the next generation who might not be lucky enough to experience your love as we did but they sure deserve to know more of you, more than just how you look in a photograph.
My fondest memory of yours was when you used to pray loudly for each one of us. Even as a child I marvelled at your patience for taking each of our names, right from ammamma's to ammu's and saying a prayer for each one of us in front of our Deviamma in kaavu. Just hearing you pray for us, made us feel that Nothing in the world could harm us.
I still remember the strong and vibrant you, with thick black framed glasses. Carrying so many heavy bags full of groceries, you would walk so fast with ease and without a trace of smile, with the classic angry young man look!
You were never particular about the things we grandchildren broke or spoilt but you were very very particular that we ate the big hefty bananas you gave, that we dried our hair once again with the dry towel that you handed over to us, that we massaged our wet heads with Rasnadi podi.
The tiniest cough or sneeze from any one of us was enough to trigger you into panic mode and within moments you would turn up armed with Vicks vaporub, Benadryl and Krishna thulasi. You made sure we gulped all of your magic tonics several times a day and if weren't any better, you ordered our parents to take us to the doc.
You were the most romantic elder we ever saw. Singing your heart and lungs out for ammamma, "Thanga bhasma kuri itta thamburati...", you probably didn't hear us giggling! We were always proud to have such a cool grand father, we still are.
You were the only one to know all of ammamma's pills and their schedules, religiously after every meal you would pick them out and hand them over to one of us to pass onto ammamma. You were so sure that ammamma was clueless about what pills she were popping that you would dare us that she would have poison too if you were to give it to her, that she wouldn't know. We smiled, may be you were right. I shudder to think how ammamma will manage now.
By today's standards you and ammamma hardly lived or earned for yourselves. Every penny that you saved went on to meet even your grandchildren's needs and wishes. Despite not being millionaires your carefully saved pennies lasted for generations, saving of this kind we cannot even imagine now!
We all love but they way you loved your family is a lesson we all need to learn from you. Your love was child like, complete with pure love, childish insecurities and vulnerabilities and with a dash of possessiveness and tiny favoritisms- all of it the kind we see in toddlers. Up until the very end, it always surpassed all adult sensibilities. Everyone loves but no one loves like you...
You've left behind a couple of my dearest wishes unfulfilled apoopaa...
I so wanted to take you to your beloved Kannur, to your beloved RajaRajeswaran Temple, to see that priceless smile on your face upon setting your foot on your soil after so many long years. If only the Kannur airport had opened sooner.
I so wanted the touch of your hands, the prayer on your lips, the boundless love in your heart for our child too. But it would be selfish on my part to make you stay and suffer for just these.
The last memory of yours in my eyes is while we were leaving after our previous holiday there. I saw you blessing my husband Balu with tightly shut eyes, tears trickling down, perhaps it was a prayer you mumbled; you blessed him with both hands and evidently from the bottom of your heart. I will keep this memory of yours closest to my heart. I am sure, that moment of blessing is enough to last a lifetime for us and more.
So for now, rest in peace apoopaa. All that has happened and is to happen are for the Greater Good.
I do not know if there really will be a heaven and hell choice left, if yes, then I pray with all my heart to the same Deviamma whom you served and prayed to all your life, I pray to your Raja Rajeswaran whom you grew up praying to for a peaceful journey ahead for you. I pray that all of the heavens choose you and give you all the love, happiness and full health that you have been yearning for since long.
WE LOVE YOU...WE ALWAYS WILL...
LOTS OF LOVE & PRAYERS
ON BEHALF OF YOUR FULL FAMILY
YOURS
Karthu
